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HORRORSCOPES

AQUARIUS

ARIES

CANCER

CAPRICORN

GEMINI

LEO

LIBRA

PISCES

SAGITTARIUS

SCORPIO

TAURUS

VIRGO
HORRORSCOPES
    To be ignorant of one's ignorance
    Is the malady of the ignorant
            ---A.B. Alcott
            Table Talk
   
ARIES
(March 21-April 19) 
    As the Holiday Season nears, the Aries begins to connive and manipulate. With any luck come Christmas-time, the Aries will have successfully clipped all friends and relatives for some pricey and "much needed" items in exchange for a bunch of yard sale "personalized" junk... The Aries chuckles frequently at this time of year...
       
TAURUS
(April 20-May 20)
    The Taurus is known for those zany get-ups they always wear to church and to cocktail parties...pink platform shoes, orange see-thru mini-skirt and pea-green tube top.
     Taurean females dress funny too.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20)
    As always, the Gemini is up to much good...serving meals at soup kitchens, raising money for the needy, tending to widows and orphans, volunteering at homeless centers and taking in abandoned domestic animals. The Gemini's compassion and good will knows no bounds. The Gemini is justly rewarded with superior good looks, spiritual serenity and boundless material wealth.

CANCER
(June 21-July 22)
    The Gypsy Woman has made an error. I know this seems an impossible admission from the one who sees all and knows all, but here's what happened: See, I used to think that Leo's were the bitchiest and whiniest of all the signs, but it seems that due to the alignment of the Heavenly Bodies (and I don't mean Gina Lollabrigitta or mine), Cancer has recently surpassed Leo in the griping category.
    So be it.
    So speaketh the Gypsy Woman.   

LEO
(July 23-August 22)
    The future is not clear for the Leo... The Gypsy Woman's vision seems clouded by confused Leo vibes...no...wait...I'm getting something...it's...it's...Bitchin', Gripin', Whinin', Complainin', Moanin', Carryin' On...
    Oh man...forget what I said about the Cancer...Leo retains the Bitchin' Crown hands down.......   

VIRGO
(August 23-September 22)
    The future bodes ill for Virgo...especially toward the end of the month...
    Your armpit hair will coarsen, your toenails will lengthen and curl under, every time you cough your butt-cheeks will inflate and when you walk, the friction from your thighs rubbing together will set your britches on fire. Grubs, mites, maggots, newts and earmites will seek your company.
    Otherwise, things look pretty good for the Virgo.
    Except, of course, that your rapidly worsening obesity will cause you to be the butt of rude jokes among circus fat ladies and herds of feral swine.
   
LIBRA
(September 23-October 22)
    Your generally mundane existence will liven considerably when you meet an exotic, comely and sensuous stranger. This mysterious entity will take you to emotional planes that you had only previously dreamed of. This relationship will come crashing down around your elephantine ears when you discover your romantic interest is a horny hermaphrodite with a perverse sense of humor...
   
SCORPIO
(October 23-November 21)
    Scorpios are typically withdrawn and shy but this month you will come out of your shell. You will dine at the most expensive places...you will dance 'til the wee hours in the seediest halls of the Hootchie-coo...you will spend money like a Rockefeller and behave in a reckless fashion overall. Then toward the beginning of next month you will resume your medication and start paying off your credit cards.   

SAGITTARIUS
(November 22-December 21)
    Sags are rarely able to establish and maintain close personal relationships as they are most often employed as carnival barkers, shell game operators or volcano-insurance salesmen... The problems with the Sagittarius stem from a deep need to have their way at all times...this is understandable because they are always alone.

CAPRICORN
(December 22-January 19)
    If there is one thing you can say about Capricorns it's this:  You can call on them for help at any time...you can ask to borrow money...you can ask them to house-sit, baby-sit, dog-sit or sit on a tack... The Capricorn can be counted on to say "yes" to all these requests. However, you can also count on them to never show up to do any of these things.

AQUARIUS
(January 20-February 18)
    You will find fame and riches...you will have intrigue and adventure...you will travel extensively and mystery will surround your every move... Eventually you will, of course, be caught and have to return the money to the company you embezzled it from.
    You will be charged with interstate flight to avoid prosecution, fraud, grand theft and general sliminess.
    Better luck in the next decade...when you get out...

PISCES
(February 19-March 20)
    If there's something rotten in Denmark you can bet your last nickel that it's a Pisces that's rotting. Pisces are habitual stinkers who delight in stirring up trouble at every opportunity. They also refuse to take responsibility for their involvement. If you can possibly avoid any and all Pisces, do so. If you're forced to be around one, try to wear gloves and mask.......

HORRORSCOPES
    To be ignorant of one's ignorance
    Is the malady of the ignorant
            ---A.B. Alcott
            Table Talk
   
ARIES
(March 21-April 19) 
    As the Holiday Season nears, the Aries begins to connive and manipulate. With any luck come Christmas-time, the Aries will have successfully clipped all friends and relatives for some pricey and "much needed" items in exchange for a bunch of yard sale "personalized" junk... The Aries chuckles frequently at this time of year...
       
TAURUS
(April 20-May 20)
    The Taurus is known for those zany get-ups they always wear to church and to cocktail parties...pink platform shoes, orange see-thru mini-skirt and pea-green tube top.
     Taurean females dress funny too.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20)
    As always, the Gemini is up to much good...serving meals at soup kitchens, raising money for the needy, tending to widows and orphans, volunteering at homeless centers and taking in abandoned domestic animals. The Gemini's compassion and good will knows no bounds. The Gemini is justly rewarded with superior good looks, spiritual serenity and boundless material wealth.

CANCER
(June 21-July 22)
    The Gypsy Woman has made an error. I know this seems an impossible admission from the one who sees all and knows all, but here's what happened: See, I used to think that Leo's were the bitchiest and whiniest of all the signs, but it seems that due to the alignment of the Heavenly Bodies (and I don't mean Gina Lollabrigitta or mine), Cancer has recently surpassed Leo in the griping category.
    So be it.
    So speaketh the Gypsy Woman.   

LEO
(July 23-August 22)
    The future is not clear for the Leo... The Gypsy Woman's vision seems clouded by confused Leo vibes...no...wait...I'm getting something...it's...it's...Bitchin', Gripin', Whinin', Complainin', Moanin', Carryin' On...
    Oh man...forget what I said about the Cancer...Leo retains the Bitchin' Crown hands down.......   

VIRGO
(August 23-September 22)
    The future bodes ill for Virgo...especially toward the end of the month...
    Your armpit hair will coarsen, your toenails will lengthen and curl under, every time you cough your butt-cheeks will inflate and when you walk, the friction from your thighs rubbing together will set your britches on fire. Grubs, mites, maggots, newts and earmites will seek your company.
    Otherwise, things look pretty good for the Virgo.
    Except, of course, that your rapidly worsening obesity will cause you to be the butt of rude jokes among circus fat ladies and herds of feral swine.
   
LIBRA
(September 23-October 22)
    Your generally mundane existence will liven considerably when you meet an exotic, comely and sensuous stranger. This mysterious entity will take you to emotional planes that you had only previously dreamed of. This relationship will come crashing down around your elephantine ears when you discover your romantic interest is a horny hermaphrodite with a perverse sense of humor...
   
SCORPIO
(October 23-November 21)
    Scorpios are typically withdrawn and shy but this month you will come out of your shell. You will dine at the most expensive places...you will dance 'til the wee hours in the seediest halls of the Hootchie-coo...you will spend money like a Rockefeller and behave in a reckless fashion overall. Then toward the beginning of next month you will resume your medication and start paying off your credit cards.   

SAGITTARIUS
(November 22-December 21)
    Sags are rarely able to establish and maintain close personal relationships as they are most often employed as carnival barkers, shell game operators or volcano-insurance salesmen... The problems with the Sagittarius stem from a deep need to have their way at all times...this is understandable because they are always alone.

CAPRICORN
(December 22-January 19)
    If there is one thing you can say about Capricorns it's this:  You can call on them for help at any time...you can ask to borrow money...you can ask them to house-sit, baby-sit, dog-sit or sit on a tack... The Capricorn can be counted on to say "yes" to all these requests. However, you can also count on them to never show up to do any of these things.

AQUARIUS
(January 20-February 18)
    You will find fame and riches...you will have intrigue and adventure...you will travel extensively and mystery will surround your every move... Eventually you will, of course, be caught and have to return the money to the company you embezzled it from.
    You will be charged with interstate flight to avoid prosecution, fraud, grand theft and general sliminess.
    Better luck in the next decade...when you get out...

PISCES
(February 19-March 20)
    If there's something rotten in Denmark you can bet your last nickel that it's a Pisces that's rotting. Pisces are habitual stinkers who delight in stirring up trouble at every opportunity. They also refuse to take responsibility for their involvement. If you can possibly avoid any and all Pisces, do so. If you're forced to be around one, try to wear gloves and mask.......



HORRORSCOPES
    To be ignorant of one's ignorance
    Is the malady of the ignorant
            ---A.B. Alcott
            Table Talk
   
ARIES
(March 21-April 19) 
    As the Holiday Season nears, the Aries begins to connive and manipulate. With any luck come Christmas-time, the Aries will have successfully clipped all friends and relatives for some pricey and "much needed" items in exchange for a bunch of yard sale "personalized" junk... The Aries chuckles frequently at this time of year...
       
TAURUS
(April 20-May 20)
    The Taurus is known for those zany get-ups they always wear to church and to cocktail parties...pink platform shoes, orange see-thru mini-skirt and pea-green tube top.
     Taurean females dress funny too.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20)
    As always, the Gemini is up to much good...serving meals at soup kitchens, raising money for the needy, tending to widows and orphans, volunteering at homeless centers and taking in abandoned domestic animals. The Gemini's compassion and good will knows no bounds. The Gemini is justly rewarded with superior good looks, spiritual serenity and boundless material wealth.

CANCER
(June 21-July 22)
    The Gypsy Woman has made an error. I know this seems an impossible admission from the one who sees all and knows all, but here's what happened: See, I used to think that Leo's were the bitchiest and whiniest of all the signs, but it seems that due to the alignment of the Heavenly Bodies (and I don't mean Gina Lollabrigitta or mine), Cancer has recently surpassed Leo in the griping category.
    So be it.
    So speaketh the Gypsy Woman.   

LEO
(July 23-August 22)
    The future is not clear for the Leo... The Gypsy Woman's vision seems clouded by confused Leo vibes...no...wait...I'm getting something...it's...it's...Bitchin', Gripin', Whinin', Complainin', Moanin', Carryin' On...
    Oh man...forget what I said about the Cancer...Leo retains the Bitchin' Crown hands down.......   

VIRGO
(August 23-September 22)
    The future bodes ill for Virgo...especially toward the end of the month...
    Your armpit hair will coarsen, your toenails will lengthen and curl under, every time you cough your butt-cheeks will inflate and when you walk, the friction from your thighs rubbing together will set your britches on fire. Grubs, mites, maggots, newts and earmites will seek your company.
    Otherwise, things look pretty good for the Virgo.
    Except, of course, that your rapidly worsening obesity will cause you to be the butt of rude jokes among circus fat ladies and herds of feral swine.
   
LIBRA
(September 23-October 22)
    Your generally mundane existence will liven considerably when you meet an exotic, comely and sensuous stranger. This mysterious entity will take you to emotional planes that you had only previously dreamed of. This relationship will come crashing down around your elephantine ears when you discover your romantic interest is a horny hermaphrodite with a perverse sense of humor...
   
SCORPIO
(October 23-November 21)
    Scorpios are typically withdrawn and shy but this month you will come out of your shell. You will dine at the most expensive places...you will dance 'til the wee hours in the seediest halls of the Hootchie-coo...you will spend money like a Rockefeller and behave in a reckless fashion overall. Then toward the beginning of next month you will resume your medication and start paying off your credit cards.   

SAGITTARIUS
(November 22-December 21)
    Sags are rarely able to establish and maintain close personal relationships as they are most often employed as carnival barkers, shell game operators or volcano-insurance salesmen... The problems with the Sagittarius stem from a deep need to have their way at all times...this is understandable because they are always alone.

CAPRICORN
(December 22-January 19)
    If there is one thing you can say about Capricorns it's this:  You can call on them for help at any time...you can ask to borrow money...you can ask them to house-sit, baby-sit, dog-sit or sit on a tack... The Capricorn can be counted on to say "yes" to all these requests. However, you can also count on them to never show up to do any of these things.

AQUARIUS
(January 20-February 18)
    You will find fame and riches...you will have intrigue and adventure...you will travel extensively and mystery will surround your every move... Eventually you will, of course, be caught and have to return the money to the company you embezzled it from.
    You will be charged with interstate flight to avoid prosecution, fraud, grand theft and general sliminess.
    Better luck in the next decade...when you get out...

PISCES
(February 19-March 20)
    If there's something rotten in Denmark you can bet your last nickel that it's a Pisces that's rotting. Pisces are habitual stinkers who delight in stirring up trouble at every opportunity. They also refuse to take responsibility for their involvement. If you can possibly avoid any and all Pisces, do so. If you're forced to be around one, try to wear gloves and mask.......
AQUARIUS

ARIES

CANCER

CAPRICORN

GEMINI

LEO

LIBRA

PISCES

SAGITTARIUS

SCORPIO

TAURUS

VIRGO
AQUARIUS

ARIES

CANCER

CAPRICORN

GEMINI

LEO

LIBRA

PISCES

SAGITTARIUS

SCORPIO

TAURUS

VIRGO
Nightflying - The Entertainment Guide was established on December 8, 1980 under the spiritual direction of PR Grunion. 
About us
Find us here
PO Box 82, Perry, AR 72125
Phone: (501) 354-8577
Email: nitefly@sbcglobal.net