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Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Appropriate costuming
Turin, Italy  • Italian police reporting they had arrested two brothers suspected of robbing dozens of cash machines while wearing masks of President Donald Trump.

Excrementum occurrum
Depoe Bay, OR • A truck carrying live eels were going to be shipped to Korea for consumption recently overturned on an Oregon highway 101, spilling 7,500 pounds of Hagfish onto the roadway. Police said as the truck driver approached road construction and tried to stop, one container flew off the truck bed and into the southbound lane, while the other containers spilled onto the highway, thereby splashing waves of slime across the highway and covering many cars.

The importance of planning ahead
South Bend, IN • Authorities say an Indiana man who robbed a gas station made off with food, drinks and cigarettes, but what he didn't steal was gas. Sean Harris was arrested after police found him stranded by the side of a two-lane highway with his vehicle out of fuel.

This bud's for you
Randolph, NJ • Parents of students at a New Jersey high school were ordered to get their children’s blood and urine tested after a can of beer was discovered at a football game. The can of beer reportedly landed on the ground and was spotted by a school official during a game at Randolph High School on Friday night.
After the can of beer was found, about 75 students who were in the bleachers were taken to classrooms as school officials contacted parents so they could pick them up. Each student was given a form - a rule-out test - requiring blood and urine samples.
Parents were given two hours to get to health facilities in Morristown, Dover and Denville so their children could be screened facing suspension from school if they didn’t complete the screening.

Urges
Cooper City • A man was getting busy in more ways than one when he stole a trailer from a pool company in Cooper City worth at least $1,200, authorities said. The suspect was caught on camera backing a truck into a parking lot at Twin Lakes Pool and BBQ. When the suspect arrived on the scene, he dove into some sexual activity with a companion, according to the Broward Sheriff’s office.
About five minutes later, he left his partner, freed the trailer from the fence to which it was chained, hitched the trailer to his pickup truck and drove off.

Heads up
A grisly find in a Pittsburgh museum is turning heads. Researchers at the Carnegie Museum of Natural History found a human skull in an exhibit that was moved for restoration. Scans during the restoration process of the diorama now show the man's skull is real.

Public service
Austin, TX • Rep. Dawnna Dukes spent more than $51,000 on an online psychic, appeared for work at the Capitol apparently impaired by medication and hid a cellphone from investigators, prosecutors said in a court filing this week. is due to face misdemeanor corruption charges at an Oct. 16 trial. She is also accused of giving a taxpayer-funded raise to a legislative aide to cover gas money for shuttling her daughter back and forth from school.
The Travis County district attorney's office alleges in the filing that Dukes paid for the psychic from December 2014 to January 2016, totaling nearly $1,000 a week.

Compelling explanations
Tulsa, OK • A former volunteer reserve deputy in Tulsa was convicted of second-degree manslaughter after the 2015 shooting of an unarmed black man who was on the ground, saying he meant to use a Taser instead of a gun.

To protect and serve
Oklahoma City, OK • A former police officer in Oklahoma City was convicted in early 2016 of multiple rapes and sexual assaults.

Oops
Miyazaki, Japan • The award for best prop at a press conference goes to officials in southern Japan. They wanted to get the word out about a disease, SFTS, that is carried by ticks, so they brought a live tick. And it got away. The Japan Times reports government officials, with help from reporters, searched the room but couldn't find the tick. So they sprayed insecticide.

Fun in the hotel
Charleroi, Belgium • Anyone who stays at the Hotel Charleroi has the opportunity to rent a goldfish for just around $4 a night.. Just think of the possibility - someone to share your stories from the day, watch pay-per-view with and eat overpriced hamburgers from room service.

Collections
Grandville, MI • Somebody broke into Brian Richards' home in the middle of the night. They didn't take cash. They didn't swipe any electronics. He may wish they had because instead, they stole $7,000 worth of Legos. Fox 17 in Michigan reports Richards' Lego collection filled a room. He's been collecting the building blocks since he was 5. Richards hopes police can help him.

Naked in the news
Philadelphia, PA • People who are passionate about being naked but also about bicycling can participate in the 9th Annual Philly Naked Bike Ride to protest fossil fuel use and promote positive body image. The event is a protest against dependence on fossil fuels, and it pushes for bike safety and positive body image.

Like it
A court says a judge doesn't need to recuse herself from a case because a lawyer involved is a friend on Facebook. An appeals court said often people accept requests from people they don't know.

Fun in the bedroom
London, England • It was seven inches long, two inches wide, pink, stripy and the English family who discovered it hiding under a bed thought it could be a dangerous lizard, but it turned out to be a dirty sock.
“It was protruding from the edge of the bed and it wasn’t moving at all,” Hurr said. “As it wasn’t very light, I got out my torch to see better and that’s when I realized it wasn’t a lizard at all.”

Fat is where it's at
London, England - One of the biggest “fatbergs” ever seen in Britain - a ball of fat as long as three soccer pitches - has been found blocking a Victorian-era, east London sewer.
“It’s a total monster and taking a lot of manpower and machinery to remove,” said Thames Water’s head of waste networks, Matt Rimmer. “It’s one of the largest we’ve ever seen.” The rock-solid mass of wet wipes, nappies, fat and oil weighs as much as 10 double-decker buses.
“It’s basically like trying to break up concrete,” said Rimmer.
“It’s frustrating as these situations are totally avoidable and caused by fat, oil and grease being washed down sinks and wipes flushed down the loo.”

Fun with Photoshop
A social studies textbook in Saudi Arabia was recalled for including a photo depicting a Star Wars character next to King Faisal.
The black and white photo, by Saudi artist Abdullah Al Shehri, features the small, green Jedi Yoda seated next to King Faisal as he signed the United Nations Charter in San Francisco in 1945.
Saudi education minister Ahmed al-Eissa apologized for the mistake and said measures were being taken to correct the error.

Food fighting back
Lianyungang, Jiangsu Province • A crab with a strong will to live was filmed climbing out of a pot of heating water and switching off the hot plate to save its comrades. The video, filmed September 5 shows the acrobatic crab climbing out of the pot of water as it heats on a hot plate. The crab swings around to the hot plate's controls and switches off the heat, saving the lives of its three fellow crabs still in the pot.

Appreciation
The patient was taken to Zhongnan Hospital in China's Hubei Province after losing consciousness
A father in China asked a doctor to compensate him for damaging his son's clothes while saving his life in the emergency room.
The man was rushed to hospital after he lost consciousness due to an artery blockage. Luckily for him, the team of doctors and medical staff at Zhongnan Hospital in China's Hubei Province saved his life. But, instead of thanking the doctor, the father demanded 1,500 yuan from him.
After being shifted to a ward, the patient's father noticed that his son's clothes were cut up, a common practice in medical emergencies..

Planning
Tampa, FL • Dominique Jones called 911 and told the cops that a man had just robbed him and stolen his wallet.
He could not describe what the person looked like, which the cops found suspicious yet they still began searching with a K-9 unit… which found that the wallet was in his suitcase.
That’s when he admitted he’d made up the robbery because he didn’t want to go to work that night. He was arrested for filing a false report and misuse of 911, but at least he doesn’t have to work while he’s in jail…

Pups
Pittsburg, PA • Thomas Bloedel from got boozed up and tried to drive home with a bottle of vodka in his lap, but crashed his car,   spilling the vodka spilled and his dog took over the drinking. By the time the cops showed up Thomas had passed out and the dog was so drunk it could hardly stand up.

Terrorist investments
Ocala, FL • Well that is exactly what a 49-year-old Mark Barnett recently figured. Unfortunately it involved him becoming a terrorist.
He planned to plant a bunch of small explosives in Target stores in New York, Florida, and Virginia by hiding them in empty boxes, and putting them on shelves planning to detonate them.
He assumed Target’s stock price would start plummeting from all the bad press. Then he’d buy a bunch of stock, wait for the price to go back up and sell it for a high profit.

You are what you eat
Competitive eater Matt Stonie recently completed the Big Mac Challenge in five minutes. He downed four burgers, four large French fries and four milkshakes, consuming 7,500 calories.

Lost in the lot
Kansas City, MO • A 53-year-old Kansas man missing for eight months was recently found dead inside his truck Tuesday after a foul odor coming from his white 2014 Dodge Ram pickup truck was reported at Kansas City International Airport, that had been parked there the entire time.

But did they finish in 30 minutes or less?
Scarborough, England • A saucy couple accused of having sex in a Domino’s Pizza had their love caught on closed circuit TV getting heated at a Domino’s Pizza. Daniella Hirst, 29, pleaded guilty to public indecency and Craig Smith, 31, was found guilty in absentia because he was incarcerated for another matter, the BBC reported.


Seeing is believing
London • Surgeons in the UK found a 17 contact lenses in a 67-year-old patient's eye, who was scheduled for cataract surgery. A subsequent examination found a further 10 lenses, bringing the total number of contacts up to a staggering 27.
Rupal Morjaria, a specialist trainee ophthalmologist who found the contacts, told Optometry Today: "It was such a large mass. All the 17 contact lenses were stuck together.
The patient was , but the operation was postponed following the discovery.

Death is 'special'
Tucson AZ • Border Patrol agents had quite the surprise after stopping a hearse that was traveling through the area. After "several inconsistencies and based on the totality of circumstances," agents called out a canine unit, which alerted the cops that there was an odor of drugs inside the vehicle.
Border Patrol conducted a search, uncovering 67 pounds of "killer weed" inside the casket.

Don't mess with old guys
La Puenta, CA • A California grandfather took matters into his own hands when a stranger jumping on rooftops caused an hours-long police standoff recently.
Willard Burgess, 83, was at his La Puenta house when the suspect police were chasing stood on his roof, refusing their orders to come down for hours, Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Capt. Tim Murakami wrote on Twitter. The suspect was jumping on several rooftops in the neighborhood.
Burgess, fed up with the ordeal, eventually grabbed his neighbor’s ladder and told officers he was climbing onto the roof, KABC reported. 
The grandfather then shoved the man off his roof, ending the hours-long standoff. It’s unclear whether the unidentified man, who police say was either mentally ill or on drugs, was seriously injured. Police said he was taken to the hospital for a mental health evaluation.

Space News

Wednesday, May 17, 2017


Dirty business
Senoia, GA • Dennis Smith, 65, was recently charged with stealing dirt from the elderly widow of the man, Smith said had given him permission to take " small load of dirt"  only he had taken more than 180 dump-truck loads.

Slightly stoned
Los Angeles • The West Coast rock band Slightly Stoopid recently produced a vinyl record that was smoke-able using a super resinous variety of hashish‚ mastered at the a Los Angeles studio, and noted it will not be widely distributed, but that people "would really get high from the music."

Choosing poorly
Prince George County police officer James Sims recently pleaded guilty to four counts of misdemeanor visual surveillance with prurient interest after his fourth event, when he was caught taking an up-skirt photo of a woman who turned out to also be a cop.

Compelling explanations
Saginaw, Michigan • Defense lawyer Ed Czuprynski had beaten a felony DUI arrest in December, but was sentenced to probation on a lesser charge in the incident, and among his restrictions was a prohibition on drinking alcohol, but recently Czuprynski begged the judge to remove the restriction, saying that he "can't be effective as a lawyer unless he is able to have a drink now and then."

Money is no object
London • British snack food manufacturer Walkers recently advertised for a part-time professional chip taster, at a pay-scale of $10.55 an hour.

Manliness
Chicago, IL • A father and his son recently argued about who would walk the dog at their home on Chicago's South Side with a gun battle, with the son being killed and the father in critical condition, each with multiple bullet wounds.

When one isn't enough
Village police in Bangladesh arrested Yasin Byapari on the complaint of his wife - after she had learned that she was not, as she was led to believe, his second spouse, but rather the 25th of his 28 total wives. 

Love African style
Lupane, Zimbabwe • A male teacher recently reported he had been kidnapped by four women, drugged and sexually assaulted, in what appears to be a return of the famous 'sperm bandits' that frequently operate in the region.

Parents today
Houston, TX • A jury recently awarded Layne Hardin $870,000 damages against former girlfriend Tobie Devall who took a jar of his sperm and inseminated herself to have a son six years ago (without his permission), but on appeal, that was reduced to a realistic damages of $1900.

It's not funny
Washington D.C. •  Desiree Fairooz, who was arrested during a congressional hearing in January after laughing out loud at the claim that now-Attorney General Jeff Sessions had a record of treating Americans equally, was recently convicted.

Space News

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Solutions
Merrick, NY
• 83-year-old Donald Winkler, upset about the treatment he was getting at a Long Island hospital, recently checked himself out and stole an ambulance to go to a 7-Eleven store to "get a Slurpee."

Toys in the attic
Polk County, FL
• Tammy Strickland was recently arrested and charged with stealing 100 toys from a Toys for Tots collection box.

Drummers practice?
Maryland state troopers stopped when they caught sight of a drummer working out all alone on the side of traffic-packed Interstate 695 near Windsor Mill Road in Baltimore on May 21 (2013), at about 10:30 a.m. As the troopers later reported, the man had run out of gas and, rather than just sit around in his car, had set up his full drum kit on the shoulder and practiced while he awaited assistance.

Double your pleasure
Bangalore, India
• Doctors recently were successful in a five-hour, 20-specialist surgery normalizing an infant born with the chromosomal abnormality "polymelia" - which resulted in four legs and two penises.

What's in a name?
A rose by any other name would sound different
An officer in Harrington, Delaware, approaching an illegally parked driver at Liberty Plaza Shopping Center in March, had suspicions aroused when she gave him a name other than "Keyonna Waters" (which was the name on the employee name tag she was wearing). Properly ID'ed, she was arrested for driving with a suspended license.

Spending quality time with someone you love
Detroit, MI
• Clifford Jones, 58, was recently killed in a one-vehicle crash in January, having lost control of his car because, according to Michigan State Police, he was not wearing pants and was watching pornography on his cellphone.

Time won't wait for any man
Ocala, FL
• 75-year-old Linley Lemburg, living under the name William Robertson, was recently arrested and charged with having been AWOL from the Air Force for 45 years.

Sweat shirts kill
A 78-year-old man in Easton, Pennsylvania, died in February from injuries caused when he lit his cigarette but accidentally set afire his hooded sweatshirt.

Leave the driving to us
Kannapolis, NC
• Willie Anthony and Jamarqua Davis were arrested in February after, police said, they broke into a Rent-a-Center at 2 a.m. and stole a big-screen TV, and  after loading the set into one car, they drove off in separate vehicles, but smashed into each other in the parking lot.

Morons on parade
Fort Smith, AR
• Adriana Salas, allegedly stole a truck in Jonesboro, Arkansas, and drove it to Fort Smith, 260 miles away, but then could not resist stopping by the local sheriff's office to ask whether the truck had been reported stolen, and when authorities checked they arrested her.

An idea whose time has come
Brussels
• Belgium's federal parliament decided to keep supplying free beer and wine during legislative sessions because, since drinkers would continue to drink off-premises, anyway, serving the items on-premises would at least improve attendance.

Free speech
El Paso, TX
• Texas district judge Patrick Garcia was recently charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct after a dispute outside the courthouse when Garcia, was accused of giving the middle finger, in public, to another judge.

Excrementum occurrum
Brunswick, GA
• Jesse Denton, 24, driving a stolen truck, tried to flee police on Interstate 95 but accidentally crashed head-on into another vehicle, and seconds later, was then fatally hit by another motorist as he ran across the highway to escape the crash scene.

Thinning the herd
Saanich, B.C.
• Upset that another driver had parked too close to his own car, a man grabbed a knife and stabbed a tire on the other vehicle with such force that he wound up slashing the main artery in his leg.

Needs
Melbourne, Australia
• An Australian state administrative tribunal awarded a $90,000 settlement after a cold-calling telemarketer sold a farm couple 2,000 ink cartridges by repeated calls.

Governmental protection
The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office granted Daniel Dopps a patent for "adhesive vaginal lipstick," which his Mensez Technologies claims can cause the labia minora to tighten so strongly as to retain menstrual fluid until the woman can deal with buildup in privacy.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans - Woody Allen

Wednesday, February 01, 2017


Teach your children
Lixington, KY • University of Kentucky professor Buck Ryan disclosed in December that he had been punished recently (loss of travel funds and a "prestigious" award) by his dean for singing the Beach Boys classic "California Girls" for a lesson comparing American and Chinese cultures - because of the song's "language of a sexual nature."

Janitorial success
Las Vegas, NV • The Las Vegas Sun reported in December that Nevada slot and video-machine gamblers left almost $12 million on the floor during 2012 in uncashed tickets.

Bubbly it is
Las Vegas, NV • The only U.S. vending machine for champagne is now operational in the 23rd-floor lobby of the Mandarin Oriental hotel in Las Vegas (Moet and Chandon bubbly can be purchased with $20 tokens sold at the front desk…)

Nature responds
Willmar, MN • A six-point deer head-butted the owner of a fur company November and broke into the building where thousands of recently harvested deer hides were being dried and largely wrecked the place.

School's being careful
Hamden, CT • Hamden High School was put into lockdown for an hour in December when a student was seen running in the hallway, zig-zagging from side to side, swinging an arm and leaping into the air but police quickly learned that it was just a 12th-grade boy practicing a basketball move and pretending to dunk.

Can't help myself
Madison, WI • John Kuznezow was recently charged with invasion of privacy in November after he was discovered up a tree outside a woman's second-floor bedroom window with his pants down.

Getting on your feet
Henan Province, China • Wu Jianping, complained in November that he had been denied home loans at several banks for not providing fingerprints - because he has no arms (following a childhood accident) and "signs" documents by holding a pen in his mouth, and he was not allowed to substitute "toeprints."

Morons on parade
Torrington, CT • 53-year-old Leonard Rinaldi was recently arrested following his theft of a rare-coin collection belonging to his father, valued at about $8,000, but apparently to make his theft less easily discoverable, he ran them through a Coinstar coin-cashing machine, netting a cool $60.

Choosing poorly
Port St. Lucie, FL • James Walsh was arrested in on Decembers 12 at a Wal-Mart after carting out an unpaid-for big-screen TV, but the store had a "shop with a cop" event at which St. Lucie County deputies were buying toys for kids, and he was quickly nabbed.

Quotables
Iditarod, AK • In October, officials of Alaska's Iditarod reaffirmed an earlier decision to allow mushers to use mobile phones during the 2017 race, despite purists maintaining that phones "destroy the 'frontier-ness' of the event."

Ironies of life
Cleveland, OH • Due to the couny's credit being maxed out, he county executive recently complained of lack of funds for necessary renovations to its well-known sports and concert venue, the Quicken Loans Arena.

Solutions
Gaston, SC • A substitute teacher at Sandhills Middle School in was recently charged with cruelty to children after she, exasperated, taped two kids to their desk chairs for misbehaving.

Father - son solutions
Parsonsfield, ME • John Bubar, 50, was arrested in in November after repeatedly lifting his son's mobile home with his front-end loader and dropping it during arguments for rent.

To protect and serve
Roseville, MI • Taylor Trupiano grudgingly paid his $128 "traffic" fine recently issued by a traffic officer who caught his car warming up unattended in his own driveway.

Parking is important
New York City • David Martinez, 25, was shot in the stomach during a brawl in New York City in December after he had inadvertently initiated the chaos when, trying to park in Manhattan's East Village just after Saturday midnight, he moved an orange traffic cone that had obviously been placed to reserve the parking space, failing to realize that the parking spot was in front of the clubhouse of Hells Angels, whose members happened to take notice.

Perfect record
Houston, TX • August, Houston defense lawyer Jerry Guerinot announced his retirement from death-penalty cases, leaving him with a perfect record for that area of his practice: He lost every single time. Twenty-one clients received the death penalty, and 10 have been executed (so far).

Government In Action
Washington, D.C. • The federal government's DEA famously refused to soften the regulation of marijuana, leaving it (with heroin) as a harsh "Schedule I" drug because, citing Food and Drug Administration findings, it has "no medical use"…However, another federal agency - Department of Health and Human Services - obtained a U.S. patent in 2003 for marijuana-derived cannabinoids, which HHS pointed out have several medical uses (as an antioxidant and for limiting neurological damage following strokes).

About us
Nightflying - The Entertainment Guide was established on December 8, 1980 under the spiritual direction of PR Grunion. 
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Phone: (501) 354-8577
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